The Problem with WHY?

Thanks to Laura Toop for sharing this post.
Join Laura for Flourish on the 3rd Sunday of each month on Yowah radio at 6 pm UK time.

Why do you feel that way?

“Why do you feel that way?” “Why does this happen?” “Why do you blame yourself?”
“I don’t know”, “I don’t know”, “I don’t know”.
Feeling frustrated, irritated, or even lacking in some way, clients tell me their response is often a flippant one, “well, why not?”.
As trying to ‘find’ the answer amidst the tangled ball of wool that is their internal emotional overwhelm, ‘why’ is unhelpful.

Words really matter.

Words really matter, especially this little word ‘WHY?’
Its ‘undertones’ are almost accusatory, serving only to heighten the feelings already being felt.
As if the answer to ‘why?’ was known, there would be no overwhelm. A path out of the chaos would already have been found.

Invite conversation.

Invite conversation, not the potential for confrontation or increased frustration and helplessness.
A simple switch from ‘why’ to ‘what’… and a small change in the sentence, can be the difference that makes the difference for someone who is lost in their overwhelm.
“What is the feeling?” “What is happening for you?” “What is there to blame?”
These are better questions to ask, to create empowerment. enablement and encouragement.
Because the problem with ‘WHY?’…is it is better as ‘WHAT?’